A List of TV Shows I Want to Pitch to Guy Fieri

It’s the GUY! Food Network

In case you haven’t heard, submissions are open for anyone to pitch an idea to esteemed culinary professional, Guy Fieri to co-star with him, and his flame shirts, in a new TV show. Here are all of the pitches I plan on sending along:

FLAVORTOWN: A reality show in which twenty people are stranded on an island and have to create a self-sustaining commune together: FLAVORTOWN. The only resources they are given? One set of matches, a deep fryer, and a tent made out of mozzarella cheese.

You, Me and Fieri: Guy Fieri and I go around and ask people how to pronounce “Fieri.” We murder anyone who pronounces it with an “r” and not a soft “t.”

Just Another Day in Flavortown!: A sitcom centered around the Flavors, just a typical family in Flavortown, USA. The matriarch, Bonnie Flavor, is the mayor. She doesn’t know that her children, twins, Frank and Franny, run a high-class prostitution ring.

That’s-a Spicy Meatball: Contestants compete to eat increasingly spicy meatballs.

Dinerz, Drive-inz, and Divez: The exact same show as Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, except the words are spelled with Z’s now.

GUYS Fieri: Contestants try their best to impersonate Guy Fieri. Whoever wins the look-a-like contest gets to go to Guy Fieri’s home and spend the night with his wife.

Guy Eats a Fry: Every episode, Guy Fieri eats a single French fry and describes it in detail.

The Two-Penny Detectives: Guy Fieri and I travel by old-timey bicycle and solve crimes together in the English countryside

Unplanned Brunch Date: I lurk around in Bushwick brunch joints and hover over tables, trying to steal as much food as I can before someone notices. A List of TV Shows I Want to Pitch to Guy Fieri