“What does she have that I don’t? I’m heartbroken. I’ve gained pounds, I don’t sleep anymore, I can’t stop crying, I can’t stop eating, I haven’t worked out in weeks, and I go through a bottle of wine every night. I’m a mess. Something needs to change; I need to take my life back. So, I’ve decided to start online dating. I’m going to make him so jealous! Aren’t you proud of me?” says my client.
“Well… that’s quite a decision.” I say. “But I’m not sure it’s going to give you the results you’re looking for.”
“Really? Why not?” She says.
You have to make sure that you are healthy, happy and whole before you jump into that online frog pond.
“Frog pond?” She asks.
You’re looking for a prince, and your ability to attract a prince is contingent on the vibration you give off. Right now, the energy you’re emitting is low. Frogs love that low, swampy vibration—it’s their specialty.
I liken online dating to a “frog pond.” Everyone enters the frog pond looking for a prince or a princess, but what they fail to recognize is that they are jumping into stagnant, swampy water. Not to be against frogs—one person’s frog is another’s dream. But it’s important to know that there are thousands of frogs in that pond. Why? Because it’s a frog pond, and it’s their home. They live there, and for a brief while (let’s hope) you are just passing through.
“Are there princes in that pond?” my client asks.
“Of course there are princes, but there are many more frogs. After all, you are jumping into a frog pond—not entering a prince’s castle.”
You have to learn how to navigate past the frogs to get to the princes.
Here’s the thing about frogs: frogs love broken, and they can smell dysfunction a mile away. They thrive on it—the depression, the lack of self-love and self-esteem, the self-loathing, the insecurity, the heartache and the drama. If you exemplify any of these qualities and jump into the online frog pond, frogs will kiss you to death and devour you. This process can render you weakened, confused, disoriented and frustrated. It can make you feel even worse about yourself. It never serves you to jump into the online frog pond unless you have done the work on yourself to heal your broken heart.
For those of us who have navigated the waters of online dating, we know how frustrating it can be to date the wrong people. Just like anything else, it takes time to find the right one. It takes a healthy, happy and harmonious vibration to attract something better.
“How can I clean up my vibration so I don’t attract all those crazy frogs?”
If you want a prince, you have to pick it up or you will get a frog.
Heal your wounds of betrayal and lack of self love. Jumping out of a traumatic relationship and right into online dating before you’ve cleaned up your emotional attic is a sure-fire way to sink to the bottom of that pond.
Close out your previous relationship before you jump into that online frog pond. Otherwise you will just pack up your baggage, sling it over your shoulder, and bring it with you into the pond.
Frogs hate the light.
As nocturnal creatures, frogs prefer darkness. The more work you do on yourself, the higher your vibration will be. As your vibration rises, you’ll begin to glow. It’s a beautiful and palpable energy that people can feel. It’s an energy that will attract positive people and situations.
Your light directly summons princes; it cuts through all the frog clutter.
When your light is shining and you jump into the online frog pond, the frogs are blinded by the light. It’s too positive and optimistic for them. So, your light shines directly on the one or two princes who are left standing there.
Online dating doesn’t have to be traumatic. It isn’t about the quality of the pond; how well-adjusted you are will determine who you attract. It’s rare to find a prince in the pond, but it’s not impossible. The healthier and happier you are, the higher your chances of finding your prince.
Here are three tips to help you navigate the waters of the frog pond:
- Find your light. It’s always there, it’s just difficult to see and feel after a traumatic relationship. Focus on all the love you bring to the table and build yourself up with these reminders. You’ll feel better about yourself knowing that you’re a good person.
- It’s better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Some people would prefer to be in any relationship then to be alone, but that’s not healthy. Avoid negative emotions; they decrease your vibration. It’s much better to spend time with yourself, doing things you love and expanding your interests. This will lift your vibration and glow and ultimately lead to your next healthy relationship.
- Make peace with the frogs. Don’t fight them. They show you where you’re at in life. If you’re dancing with a frog, it’s because your vibration is slumming in the frog’s swamp. Pick it up. You can dance with a frog or you can dance with a prince. It’s okay that a frog is standing right in front of you, but don’t stay with him in hopes that he will become a prince. It will never happen. Make peace with the frog’s presence in your life and know that he is there to help you to recognize that you need to work on yourself before you can attract better. Don’t resent him; it’s a waste of your energy. Take it as a sign to get out of the pond until you feel better.
Frogs don’t become princes by kissing them.
If you don’t feel good about yourself, don’t jump into the online frog pond. It will only make you feel worse. Wait until you feel your glow to jump in. I guarantee you that you will have a completely different experience. Kissing frogs is a choice, but the frog will never become a prince by kissing him. If you want something higher, transform yourself. Don’t wait for the frog to transform. You’ll be waiting an eternity.
Based in New York City, Donnalynn is the Author of “Life Lessons, Everything You Ever Wished You Had Learned in Kindergarten.” She is also a Certified Intuitive Life Coach, Inspirational Blogger (etherealwellness.wordpress.com), Writer and Speaker. Her work has been featured in Glamour, the iHeart Radio Network and Princeton Television. Her website is ethereal-wellness.com. You can follower her on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook and Google+.