“He cannot poop in every coconut.”
These were words said on television last night as Stranded With a Million Dollars concluded with four people making it to the end. But not before Cody relieved himself in not one, but two freshwater sources for the second time in consecutive episodes. Prob def a new record for most public dumps. There’s a skit on Disc 2 of Biggie’s Life After Death where the Notorious talks about being surprised that a woman wants him to literally stand over her and do a number 2. Biggie is confused. “I might shit on you after I hit it, I won’t call you no more, shit on you like that.” The punchline being that even though he’s taken aback by this request, he still does it. For years, reality show contestants have been metaphorically shit on. Backstabs, blindsides, even using someone’s toothbrush to clean the toilet. But now we have reached the apex. A grown man in squatting position, pulls his shorts down and two televised plops drop into the
Alex and Gina managed to survive no clean
But if anyone is a true champion here, it is Gina. Everyone’s pick to be the first one gone. The one with the least survival experience. I’m sure after the six other contestants evacuated, they were all like “damn I can’t believe I went before Gina.” Now they should all be like “I wish I lasted as long as Gina.” Do you realize that Gina couldn’t start a fire, can’t swim, couldn’t carry anything, and absolutely did not help her team win any of the competitions (since Cody and Makani literally swept every contest Harlem Globetrotters vs Washington Generals-style). And yet, who gets an equal share of the money? Gina F PandaBaby, please say the “panda.”
The one bit of suspense added into this final episode was that if they didn’t make the final journey in time, they’d have to stay an extra night. Nobody wanted to do Day 41. I don’t think they even had any supplies with them besides the money and the tablet. Cody didn’t want to leave the tent because he didn’t want people to think he was polluting. I guess the two logs of human feces he left in the lagoon don’t count. But the pot, the machete, the tents—all left behind. And that’s like $80,000 worth of stuff right there. The trail led up a hill and then they all had to repel down a waterfall. It was close and thank goodness for Gina’s life jacket but everyone made it. Speaking of Gina’s life jacket, it’s probably good they kept it away from Cody, he might have tried to take out the stuff that makes it float like when Patrick Swayze plays dud parachute roulette in Point Break.
And so just like that, my new favorite show comes to end. They didn’t spend all the money which is really a shame. And the game definitely took some turns that nobody expected. If they do a second season, it’ll be interesting to see if there is a new “no shitting in the