I feel as though the death of Han Solo doubled as the death of the last, single solitary fuck Harrison Ford had left to give, and I am more than okay with that. I am here to support Mr. Ford if he chooses to play every role from here on out in whatever dingy t-shirt was in the backseat of his airplane that day, as he appears to do in the first full-length trailer for Blade Runner 2049. Come on. It’s Han Solo AND Indiana Jones AND the fugitive AND history’s most badass president. Harrison Ford could be wearing board shorts and orange crocs and I’d be like “I’m not fighting that guy.” He’s earned that much. Now, I’m a little baffled as to why directors—even one as talented as Dennis Villanueva—still insist the 74-year-old actor run any distance, but the man still manages to look cooler doing it than all of his co-stars.
Ford returns as Rick Deckard, hunter of replicants/possibly a replicant himself, who in Ridley Scott’s 1982 original wore a sweet-as-hell duster, but here is mostly rocking one of the twelve Hanes tagless that come in the pack from Target. It’s great; it tells you everything you need to know about where Deckard when we meet him 30-years-later. By comparison, Ryan Gosling as Officer K, the new badass in town, appears to be trying way too hard to look cool. Loosen up, K, your name is literally a mean text message.
Jared Leto is also here, wishing the creepiest of “Happy Birthdays” as replicant manufacturer Wallace, which is a miracle considering playing Suicide Squad‘s Joker changed him forever eghhhh so cuhrazy he went too deep, man. Rounding out the cast is Guardians of the Galaxy standout Dave Bautista, House of Cards‘ Robin Wright and Halt and Catch Fire star Mackenzie Davis.
These are all very cool people. None of them are as cool as Harrison Ford in a t-shirt. These are just facts. When Indiana Jones 5 finally premieres in the actual year 2049, I hope Indy shows up in a Tommy Bahama shirt and sandals with socks.