“Imagined Dialogue For” is our series by the hilarious and talented Chris Scott—of Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen fame. Next up? Chris takes a stab at guessing what happens in Universal’s Tom Cruise scream-athon, The Mummy.
INT. DAY
TOM CRUISE: Tell me more about this so-called… Mummy.
RUSSELL CROWE: It’s an ancient evil. It’s been around for many years.
TOM CRUISE: And now it’s alive again?
CROWE: Very much so, I’m afraid.
CRUISE: Yikes.
CROWE: Yep, you said it.
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INT. DAY
TOM CRUISE: Tell me more about this so-called… Mummy.
RUSSELL CROWE: It’s an ancient evil. It’s been around for many years.
TOM CRUISE: And now it’s alive again?
CROWE: Very much so, I’m afraid.
CRUISE: So The Mummy just keeps coming back?
CROWE: Right. It goes away for a while, and then it returns.
CRUISE: Just as it was before?
CROWE: Maybe slightly different but essentially the same thing, yes.
CRUISE: The Mummy just keeps happening over and over again?
CROWE: Over and over again.
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INT. DAY
TOM CRUISE: Tell me more about this so-called… Mummy.
RUSSELL CROWE: Same deal as before. The Mummy was here, then it was gone, now it’s back again. It’s an ancient curse that–
CRUISE: Does it ever get tired of returning?
CROWE: The Mummy?
CRUISE: Yeah. It seems like it’s just the same thing over and over. Do people ever get tired of the Mummy?
CROWE: Nobody ever tires of the Mummy.
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INT. DAY
TOM CRUISE: Tell me more about this so-called–
RUSSELL CROWE: The Mummy is never ending. It will never stop coming back.
CRUISE: What does it want?
CROWE: It wants nothing. But every five or six years, here it is again. We are powerless to stop its return.
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INT. DAY
TOM CRUISE: It’s back, right?
RUSSELL CROWE: The Mummy?
CRUISE: Right.
CROWE: The Mummy is never really gone, but somehow always returning. Always right here, again.
