It’s everyone’s favorite time of the year: when we get to judge strangers who want to become famous via reality TV! Let’s jump right in.
Adam, 27
Occupation: Real Estate Agent
Pros: He cooks, and has a good relationship with his mom.
Cons: The most romantic birthday gift he ever got was a “threesome” and his favorite movies include Transformers and The Wolf of Wall Street.
Douche rating: 3.5/5 sprays of Axe
Alex, 28
- Alex
Occupation: Information Systems Supervisor
Pros: Can’t think of a third band he likes after Coldplay and The Beatles. A douche would have thrown in a third, super douchey band; favorite artist is “The Rock (Dwayne Johnson)”
Cons: Also that his favorite artist is “The Rock (Dwayne Johnson)”
Douche rating: 3/5 sprays of Axe
Anthony, 26
- Anthony
Occupation: Education Software Manager
Pros: Fulbright Scholar, taught English in Indonesia, likes The Iron Giant, reads Murakami.
Cons: Bragging about teaching English abroad.
Douche Rating: 1/5 sprays of Axe
Blake E., 31
- Blake E.
Occupation: Aspiring Drummer
Pros: I guess that he went to horseback riding camp?
Cons: calls his former fiancee “crazy,” says he wants to see “The new 50 Shades of Grey movie because I love taboo sexy stuff,” doesn’t have a job.
Douche Rating: 4.5/5 sprays of Axe
Blake K., 29
- Blake K.
Occupation: U.S. Marine Veteran
Pros: Also obsessed with the Rock, loves his parents.
Cons: “Chipotle is my life.”
Douche Rating: 1/5 sprays of Axe
Brady, 29
- Brady
Occupation: Male Model
Pros: Doesn’t like Mike from the Jersey Shore.
Cons: Male model; ideal time period is the 80’s (key douche era); most romantic present he has ever received is Lululemon sweatpants???
Douche Rating: 4/5 sprays of Axe
Bryan, 37
Occupation: Chiropractor
Pros: Has a job
Cons: Favorite television show is Sports Center.
Douche Rating: 2/5 sprays of Axe
Bryce, 30
- Bryce
Occupation: Firefighter
Pros: Most romantic present he’s ever received is a handwritten letter, which is sweet.
Cons: Favorite actor is Matthew McConaughey. Biggest date fear is “The chick is actually a dude.”
Douche Rating: 5/5 sprays of Axe. Transphobia isn’t charming.
Dean, 26
- Dean
Occupation: Startup recruiter
Pros: Wants to get lunch with his mom who passed away
Cons: Has an inner lip tattoo (“righteous,” ew)
Douche Rating: 3/5 sprays of Axe
DeMario, 30
Occupation: Executive Recruiter
Pros: likes no technology dates
Cons: “I won’t lie, I love attention… not like ’07 B. Spears attention or 2011 Sheen. Natural attention like when Justin and Brit wore those incredible denim outfits.”
Douche Rating: 1.5 sprays of Axe
Diggy, 31
Occupation: Senior Inventory Analyst
Pros: Likes the movie Devil Wears Prada
Cons: “Tell us a fun story about a one night stand. I spent all day with this girl and she ended up coming home with me and we had sex. She then received a text saying her brother was missing, so I played asleep so I didn’t have to help!’
Douche Rating: 4/5 sprays of Axe—WTF is with that insane one night stand story!??!
Eric, 39
Occupation: Personal Trainer
Pros: Seems… nice I guess. Just kind of boring.
Cons: Favorite drink is green juice, likes Tony Robbins and motivational books
Douche Rating: 2.5/5 sprays of Axe
Fred, 27
- Fred
Occupation: Executive Assistant
Pros: Favorite artist is Jean-Michel Basquiat, went to two different grad schools apparently
Cons: “There are times that I get aroused at work and I have to go back to my desk to avoid being noticed.”
Douche Rating: 3/5 sprays of Axe
Grant, 29
Occupation: Emergency Medicine Physician
Pros: Has a good job
Cons: Social chair of his fraternity in college; “‘Ice Ice Baby’ is also one of my favorite songs because I used to sing it at Bar Mitzvahs on stage;” favorite magazine is Playboy
Douche Rating: 4/5 sprays of Axe
Iggy, 30
Occupation: Consulting Firm CEO
Pros: Was able to name a favorite artist (Dali)
Cons: “What are your 3 worst attributes? Passionate, loyal, witty” WTF what a lazy weirdo to pretend those are bad attributes.
Douche Rating: 3.5 sprays of Axe
Jack Stone, 32
Occupation: Attorney
Pros: Likes the book Catch-22
Cons: Favorite author is John Grisham; his name is Jack Stone; that look on his face
Douche Rating: 4/5 spray of Axe
Jamey, 32
Occupation: Sales Account Executive
Pros: …
Cons: Person he admires the most is Elon Musk; listens to EDM; “What does your ideal mate look like? A model;” “Describe your best friend of the opposite sex and why she/she deserves that title: I do not have female friends.”
Douche Rating: 5/5 sprays of Axe
Jedidiah, 35
Occupation: ER Physician
Pros: Built a log cabin for his parents
Cons: “All former dogs were over ½ wolf;” wolf tattoo on shoulder; weird mutton chops
Douche Rating: 2/5 sprays of Axe
Jonathan, 31
Occupation: Tickle Monster
Pros: Gives pretty generic answers…
Cons: EXCEPT HIS JOB!???? WHAT THE FUCK IS A TICKLE MONSTER
Douche Rating: 4.5/5 sprays of Axe just because wtf is a tickle monster
Josiah, 28
Occupation: Prosecuting Attorney
Pros: Has an actual job
Cons: “I’m a natural born leader and people draw towards me.”
Douche Rating: 3/5 sprays of Axe
Kenny, 35
Occupation: Professional Wrestler
Pros: ALSO likes The Rock a lot!!!
Cons: Japanese word for “fearless” tattoo
Douche Rating: 2/5 sprays of Axe
Kyle, 26
Occupation: Marketing Consultant
Pros: likes camping and Donald Glover
Cons: “I select gluten-free menu options when I can;” prefers “hot spot” clubs; has a douchey job; “What does your ideal mate look like? 7+. Looks matter for the ideal candidate.”
Douche Rating: 4/5 sprays of Axe
Lee, 30
Occupation: Singer/Songwriter
Pros: Loves his grandma,
Cons: Favorite movies are Gone With The Wind and Scarface; favorite actor is Matthew McConaughey.
Douche Rating: 3/5 sprays of Axe
Lucas, 30
Occupation: Whaboom (????)
Pros: likes dancing
Cons: WTF IS A WHABOOM? “If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? Dead: Bruce Jenner, Alive: Caitlyn Jenner …. Would be a very interesting convo.” WTF is wrong with him? Does he think Caitlyn Jenner murdered Bruce Jenner?
Douche Rating: 5/5 sprays of Axe
Matt, 32
Occupation: Consulting Sales Rep
Pros: Kind of looks like my friend Matt Ringler
Cons: Favorite groups/artists are “Justin Timberlake, Train, John Mayer. All three have gone their own route and still stood the test of time.”
Douche Rating: 3/5 sprays of Axe
Michael, 26
- Michael
Occupation: Former Professional Basketball Player
Pros: Athlete, seems nice
Cons: Paleo diet, currently unemployed I assume
Douche Rating: 2/5 sprays of Axe
Milton, 31
Occupation: Hotel Recreation Supervisor
Pros: At least he’s honest about only wanting to go on TV to be discovered.
Cons: bottom lip tattoo, only going on TV to be discovered, thinks being romantic “can show you’re weak.”
Douche Rating: 4.5/5 sprays of Axe
Mohit, 26
Occupation: Product Manager
Pros: Seems nice and likes Seinfeld
Cons: Likes to go to the club to dance
Douche Rating: 1/5 sprays of Axe
Peter, 31
Occupation: Business Owner
Pros: Has done three Ironmans, which is impressive.
Cons: Former male model. Knew people from the “bar scene.”
Douche Rating: 3.5/5 sprays of Axe
Rob, 30
Occupation: Law Student
Pros: Traveled a lot,
Cons: Into Buddhism. Likes “acoustic guitar sets.”
Douche Rating: 3/5 sprays of Axe
Will, 28
Occupation: Sales Manager
Pros: Very generic answers, which is fine, I guess
Cons: Has a bunch of douchey tattoos
Douche Rating: 2/5 sprays of Axe
