“I hate my job. It’s sucking my soul,” says my client who works as an accountant.
“What are you doing about it?” I ask. “You’ve been unhappy at that job for awhile, but I haven’t seen you change anything.”
“I haven’t made any major moves. I hate what I’m doing, but I love the paycheck,” she says. “I also believe in fate. I’ve been waiting for the universe to bring me to the next step. I know it’ll happen, so I just have to be patient.”
If you’re waiting for the universe to bring you to a better place, you’ll be waiting an eternity.
The universe won’t live your life for you; it’s up to you to control your life. Fate won’t save you. To make good decisions, you need to understand the difference between fate and free will. Life is a delicate balance between the two.
Fate brings you opportunities, and free will determines whether or not you take them.
Fate is the destiny that is pre-planned for you, but it’s up to you to do something with it. Put another way, fate is the potential possibilities of your life. These possibilities have been carefully mapped out for you, and you get to decide which opportunities you will seize.
Fate always gives you more than one option, but the options that are available aren’t necessarily guaranteed.
Fate parades options in front of you, but you have to use your free will to reach up and grab one.
It’s all about the actions you take or don’t take when fate shows up. Fate presents itself in many ways. Maybe it’s an informal introduction to someone or a random email from a casual acquaintance. It can be a spark of inspiration you get from overhearing a conversation or an idea you get from a movie you watch. Fate is always presenting you with a myriad of opportunities—it’s just waiting for you to pick the one you want.
If you are on autopilot, you will miss the call.
Most of us don’t recognize the subtle whispers of fate because we are sleepwalking through our lives. We’re on autopilot—we get up in the morning, go to work, go to the gym, go home, go to sleep, and then get up and do it all over again. We are so anesthetized to our reality that we seldom hear fate knocking. We miss opportunities because we are asleep.
When you’re in a rut, you could block the call of fate.
When you feel stuck and stagnant, you’ve put your head down and shut yourself off from new options. With your head down, you are unable to see how fate is trying to reach you. Your grief blocks your ability to receive it.
“You are so unhappy lately. You don’t go out, you don’t socialize, you aren’t cooking anymore, and you aren’t even dating. How are you expanding yourself? How are you inviting fate?” I ask my client.
“I’m not. I deal with the depression by sleeping a lot,” she says.
“If you continually engage that behavior, nothing will change. Fate will not be able to reach you with new opportunities. You have to be open to making changes or you will never hear fate knocking,” I tell her.
If you repeat the same self-sabotaging patterns, you could delay the call of fate.
You can’t see fate if you’re continually using your free will to repeat destructive patterns. If you want something to change, you have to do something differently.
“Do you remember the last time you were depressed?” I ask.
“Yeah, it was two years ago when I was dating my ex,” she replies.
“Exactly. This is your pattern: You use your free will to stay too long in the wrong places. You try to force them to work. This strategy only makes you depressed. Even though the situation with your ex was breaking your heart, you wouldn’t let go. You used your free will to keep yourself in a very painful place. By doing so, you staved off fate because you weren’t ready for something new.”
You can’t change your fate, but your free will can postpone it.
Even though you may have had your head down for years, fate will keep presenting itself until you’re ready to reach up and accept it. Fate doesn’t give up on you. You can never lose what’s meant for you, but you can delay it. For example, if you miss a potential soulmate, he or she will come back into your experience later on. It’s how fate works.
You are control of your life; it is not in control of you. Fate is what will come to you in life, and free will is what you choose to do with it. You may not get what you want in life, but you will always get what you choose. What will you choose to do with your fate when it comes knocking?
Here are three tips for bending destiny in your favor:
- Pay attention to your life—it’s trying to tell you something. Fate is constantly bringing you opportunities; you just have to be conscious enough to see them. Slow down and pay attention so you don’t miss fate’s critical stirrings.
- You have to act or nothing will change. Fate brings you possibilities, but it can’t make you take them. Don’t sit on the bench and watch opportunities go by. If you don’t act, you don’t get.
- If it feels like you’re hitting your head on a wall, stop it. You may be using your free will to force an outcome that is not right for you. If you are trying to force change but it isn’t happening, it isn’t mean to happen. Walk away.
Based in New York City, Donnalynn is the Author of “Life Lessons, Everything You Ever Wished You Had Learned in Kindergarten.” She is also a Certified Intuitive Life Coach, Inspirational Blogger (etherealwellness.wordpress.com), writer and speaker. Her work has been featured in Glamour, the iHeart Radio Network and Princeton Television. Her website is ethereal-wellness.com. You can follower her on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook and Google+.