“I know I’m a very serious person. I’m under a lot of pressure most days and so I work really hard not to crack. I am trying to keep it all together without breaking,” says my client.
“I know,” I respond. “I can tell that you’re exceptionally uptight. So let me ask you a random question—in the midst of a hurricane, is it better to be a blade of grass or a tree?”
“What?” he retorts. “I guess a tree. It’s solid—it’s strong enough to weather any storm.”
“Not necessarily…” I reply.
When you’re rigid in life, life will snap you in half.
Consider a very tall oak tree in the middle of hurricane. The tree is so rigid, it doesn’t give way during the storm so when the winds blow, it’s the first thing that gets snapped in half. Or worse, ripped up by its roots and tossed into another zip code.
By contrast, the tall blade of sea grass will yield to the wind. Yes, it will be blown over time and time again, but because it bends to the storm, it allows those violent winds to pass by—never getting uprooted or torn apart. Once the storm departs, it stands up like everything is fine.
The more you relax into your life, the better your life will be.
The tree resists the weather and consequently gets violently tossed about, whereas the blade of grass has learned flexibility—it detaches from the chaos and gives in to the winds of change. No one likes to be blown over, but if you can relax into the storm and be easy about it, you’ll remain rooted. Eventually the sun will come out and you’ll be the one left standing.
“In reality all that is happening is that life is mirroring back to you your own struggle for control. So, when you learn to relax and let go of things that you cannot control, you’ll find that life eases up on you. All the tension and stress you’ve been experiencing is self-induced and it’s solely a bi-product of your mind.” I tell him.
If you think you are the one who needs to keep everything together, the universe will make sure everything around you perpetually falls apart.
If you feel the need to be in full control, the universe will validate that and deliver to you every reason to feel that way. Your need to control will attract situations that are seemingly out of control, in order to grant you the experience you are unconsciously requesting.
When you are uptight, you restrict the natural flow of creative energy around you.
Life becomes boring and habitual when you are constantly struggling to keep order. You’ll become physically and emotionally drained, and weary. That glow and enthusiasm for life will easily become lost. The universe responds by mirroring back your imagined struggle and self-fulfilling confinement.
Life gets hard when you are working hard to control your life.
Children have the right idea. They don’t try to control, they allow themselves to be playful with life, and, because they approach situations with a levity and lightness and natural curiosity, the universe responds by bringing them joyous and dynamic situations.
Life is meant to be enjoyed not evaluated. The only evaluation should be “has it brought me joy today?”
Joy is suffocated under the command of routine and structure. When you let go of the need to control, you open up to the possibility of experiencing more joy. Let go, let loose, and learn to go with the flow of your life. Once you do, the universe will bring you every reason to be joyful.
Don’t worry about making a mess. Better to have lived on that sofa than to have sat on the plastic for decades.
Control might keep the mess away, but your life is meant to be lived, not observed from afar. The beauty and joy are in the living and sometimes that living gets messy. That’s the best part. Live it—have fun with it—get in there and get your hands dirty. Make a mess of it. At least you’ll know you’ve lived it.
Here are three tips for making the best mess of your life.
- Take the stick out of your butt. In other words, don’t take yourself so seriously—learn to laugh at yourself, learn to be easy with yourself, learn to be light. When you approach life with ease, your life naturally becomes easier. Being uptight guarantees you’ll crack. Much more comfortable to walk through life without the stick.
- Don’t be afraid to color outside the lines. Don’t fear making that mess. It’s only within the mess that the magic happens. It is within that space you’ll find you’re not afraid to make mistakes, and you’re not afraid of breaking the rules—that you can create the life of your dreams. Once you have made the best mess possible, you can pull together the best parts of yourself because now you know what they are.
- Honor the mess, don’t clean it up. When chaos happens and things don’t go your way, don’t try and mitigate the damage, celebrate it. Recognize that things don’t always go your way because sometimes they’re destined to go even better.
Based in New York City, Donnalynn is the Author of “Life Lessons, Everything You Ever Wished You Had Learned in Kindergarten.” She is also a Certified Intuitive Life Coach, Inspirational Blogger (etherealwellness.wordpress.com), writer and speaker. Her work has been featured in Glamour, the iHeart Radio Network and Princeton Television. Her website is ethereal-wellness.com. You can follower her on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook and Google+.