Getting a first date is easy. If you’re using online platforms like Tinder (MTCH) or Match.com, your looks, common interests and perceived social skills will likely be enough to convince the other person you’re not a serial killer, and they’ll agree to go out with you. Scoring a second date, however, is often a challenge. If you thought a date went well, but never heard back, you’re probably making a few of these mistakes.
You Don’t Look Like Your Photos
It used to be that photoshop was only accessible to editors at Vogue and GQ. Now average Joes and Janes are slimming down their waistlines, smoothing wrinkles and whitening their teeth with their smartphones. These tricks may get you a lot of “likes” and followers on social media, but when it comes to socializing in real life, most dates don’t like to be mislead, and they are not likely to follow up. Using photos from 20 years and 20 pounds ago is also deceiving; it’s like when you see the photos of a luxury hotel on a website and show up to a Days Inn with a kiddie pool on a sidewalk. You’re false advertising and that’s a red flag.
You Talked About Your Ex
Talking about your ex on a date is the worst thing you can do. You could spill wine all over the table, snort when you laugh, slap a senior citizen—and still have a good chance of getting a second date. Just don’t bring up your ex. It shows you’re living in the past and you may or may not be over them.
You Have a Bad Memory
Whether you met online or in person, there’s a good chance you’ve been texting or speaking prior to meeting up. During this time, you’ve both shared a few things about yourself. Forgetting those details is a total turnoff. Recently, I went on a date with a guy who must have had amnesia because he had forgotten just about everything we spoke up leading up to our date. It wasn’t just silly things like my favorite color or my age, but big details like how I was born out of the country and what I do for work. His lack of interest resulted in mine.
You Talked Too Much…About Yourself
Most first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. That said, the conversation should be like a game of ping pong where there’s lots of enthusiastic back and forth. If you kept the ball in your court for too long, the conversation was one-sided and you came across as self-absorbed and that’s a major turn off. According to researchers at Harvard University, asking follow-up questions while on a date shows genuine interest and boosts the chances your date will want to see you again.
You Were Too Eager
To be clear: there is nothing wrong with showing interest and a desire to meet again. That looks like this: “I had a great time with you tonight. Do you want to do this again sometime? Perhaps see that art opening we talked about?” And then there’s expecting too much and revealing too much too soon. That looks like this: “I hate my job. I really want to be a musician, but my asshole parents never supported my dreams.” And: “What’s your Instagram? Let’s follow each other.” #TooSoon
Lamar Dawson is a pop culture junkie living in Manhattan. Follow him on Instagram and Facebook.
